“It’s just that I’m very impatient” , I told myself for many years. To this day I still say it, but only in certain situations. Standing waiting for my turn, for example, makes my patience less with each passing minute.
But if we talk about motherhood and parenting, patience is something that yes or yes we must have , because this work of raising is not easy or simple and it is necessary to have it to be able to face many situations.
The demands of life with children
The arrival of a child changes everything. Just as joys and positive emotions increase, so do responsibilities and stress . Therefore, although we feel happy to have them, it is possible that at times we feel overwhelmed, resulting in the loss of our patience. Check out more interesting topics on our site Faith Blog.
I have started by commenting on this, because many times as parents we have unrealistic expectations of life with children and about ourselves, which in our minds sound very nice, but in practice they are completely different .
We must be fully aware that motherhood and fatherhood can sometimes be very difficult , and remember that although we can always work to improve, we must also be kind and avoid becoming our own worst judge.
Having said that, we return to the objective of this article: how to be more patient with our children .
lower our expectations
This is the first piece of advice and, in my personal experience, one of the most important, because just as I have mentioned with our expectations of ourselves, those we place on our children also weigh heavily and can affect our patience .
We have to be clear that utopia does not exist: things will not always turn out the way we want and our children will not always be in a good mood either. There will be days when they will wake up with the wrong foot, or for some reason they will not listen to us.
These days, it is when we must remember that they are only children and that they are just learning all those things that we already know about life. Childhood is a stage full of surprises, changes, tests, errors and constant adjustments , in which there will be ups and downs, progress and setbacks.
As I once said: where you see a disaster, your child sees a new capacity or ability . So before you get angry or blow up because things haven’t turned out the way you expected, he tries to see things through his eyes… and I assure you that you will understand many things that will help you to be more patient.
focus on the present
My second piece of advice is to learn to be more aware of the present moment . Many times the origin of our anguish and despair -which later evolve into impatience-, is in all those things that have not even happened yet.
Sometimes, our concern about everything that is pending to be done , as well as our haste and desperation for wanting to do everything, make us lose focus of what is happening in front of our eyes.
Let’s learn to enjoy the moment , and this, in turn, will help us change our perspective on life and motherhood a little, which in turn can help us be more patient with our children.
As we saw in the previous point, impatience is often the result of a saturated mind . Having so many ideas running around in our brains makes us feel disorganized and stressed, and this is clearly seen on a daily basis.
One way to work on that mental load that mothers usually carry is to practice meditation and conscious breathing , which although it sounds simple, it is not always. In fact, starting to meditate is often difficult at first, because our minds are not yet trained.
But little by little we can achieve it, and once we have done it, we will be able to make deeper reflections. All this will help us to analyze and also begin to identify the moments in which we lose patience .
When we are able to identify those moments, it will be easier to stop to reflect on them and come up with solutions that help us channel that negative emotion and turn it into a neutral or positive one , such as resorting to mantras , for example.
Have some handy tricks
One of the most difficult parts of training patience is being able to stop before it runs out if we are not used to it. Although it is true that reflection and analysis can help us, there will be situations in which they do not work as effectively (because we are tired, because we have had a hard day, etc.).
So another option is to keep in mind some practical advice that can help us at that moment when we are about to explode, a kind of little tricks that help us find calm again , such as the following:
take a deep breath
When you feel like you are about to lose patience, stop and close your eyes. Inhale deeply and exhale very slowly . Sometimes it works just once, but if you need to take more breaths, take them.
Count to 10
Yes, it is the classic that we all know and hear, but we repeat it because it is really effective. Counting slowly from one to ten will help us take those seconds to calm that emotion that is about to overwhelm us.
Talk without yelling
Sometimes when we lose patience we tend to answer reluctantly and even resort to yelling, but apart from the fact that they are not effective, they do a lot of damage to children . Try to pause, breathe, talk and listen to each other. Dialogue will always be better than shouting.
Change the situation or use a distractor
This in particular is a resource that I use a lot in certain situations where I need to focus or concentrate , like when I need to work and my daughter is having a loud party next to me or when my niece comes to visit and the volume of the party increases to double.
Instead of getting angry because I already told you two or three times not to make so much noise, I try to propose something else that can work for all of us . Sometimes it is proposing a quieter game (like a tea party), giving them a puzzle that they haven’t put together for a long time, or giving them some material to do crafts.
Get out of the room
Sometimes nothing we do works. In this situation, the best thing we can do is walk away to take a breather alone. Let’s leave the room or the house, and clear our minds before we return.
take time for us
I have always said that self-care or time for ourselves is an essential part of motherhood , and should be just as important as caring for our children. The reason is simple: to feel good and exercise better motherhood, we must also take care of ourselves.
A tired mom is an angrier mom, irritable and therefore impatient . For this reason, and because we are human, it is essential that we dedicate some time alone for ourselves , which we will dedicate to self-care and to disconnecting to rest.
I know that as mothers you can’t always count on this time, because on many occasions it is difficult to find a gap within our busy days , but we can start with small things , like having a relaxing cup of tea, reading a chapter of a book, listen to a song that lifts our spirits or take a short nap.
And as I always say: wanting or needing this time alone for ourselves does not make us bad mothers, nor should we feel guilty about it . Let’s remember that these kinds of moments help us to be more relaxed and more patient .
Enjoy this adventure, with the good and the bad
And finally, a piece of advice that we can apply to any situation in life: enjoy it, everything. Life with children is an unpredictable adventure, full of emotions and incredible experiences. Some are good and others not so good, but they are all part of a whole.
It is true that when we have children there are some things that become more complicated and that can test our patience, but the truth is that having them in our lives makes everything much better .