I have to repeat things a thousand times to my son. This statement is very often heard in fathers and mothers who are overwhelmed by having to repeat everything over and over again, seeing how their requests seem to be deliberately ignored.
But is it really that they ignore us? The answer is not so simple, because it is necessary to understand the influence of various factors that may be affecting the way in which we communicate with our children , in addition to the interest they may have in listening to us and attending to what we ask of them.
Repeat, repeat, repeat
It is very common that as parents we repeat things several times to our children. Possibly we all identify with the scene in which we are asking them to go take a bath , get dressed or brush their teeth, to give a few examples, and we see how they continue to ignore us and we fall into repeating, repeating, repeating.
But does this work? Has it ever served you as something other than exhausting and frustrating you? The simple answer is no.
A common mistake we make in parenting is repeating to our children countless times what we expect them to do.
Far from helping us achieve our goals, this creates a dynamic in which the child stops paying attention to us and we feel exhausted from saying the same thing over and over again, every day, with the same words. results.
“If you want different results, do not do the same”.
So, what to do?
If you find yourself in this situation, don’t feel bad or blame yourself for making these “mistakes” (they happen more often than you think); on the contrary, you deserve congratulations for trying to be a better version of yourself as a parent, and that deserves recognition.
Now, since we know what not to do , then what do I have to do to stop repeating things to my son a thousand times? Let’s start with:
The key for your child to listen to you without having to repeat what you require of him or her every time is simply to stop doing it.
Communication is the key in these cases, and when we ourselves create an environment of repetition and automatism, we cannot expect things to happen differently. Check out more interesting topics on our site Faith Blog.
Also, keep in mind that for your child, your words, at a given moment, no longer have an effect , because they have normalized them (because they are so repeated), and they do not impact him the same.
Use simple language
How to do it then? To start , use simple language that your child can understand.
Sometimes we adults complicate ourselves with words that can be difficult for the little ones to understand, or we give long explanations that all they do is create confusion.
To talk to children we must explain what we want or expect them to do in the simplest way possible , in very short sentences so that they can understand it.
We must adapt our language to their age and understanding (this is essential). And the explanations of why or what for, leave them for later.
Do not threaten
Another frequent mistake is to threaten or yell at children when we are already very tired and frustrated of repeating the same thing so many times; Although it is understandable to reach these points sometimes , since we are human, this does not benefit them at all.
And it is that, it is right there when we must have more patience and understand that with shouting we will not achieve anything .
Raising your tone of voice or threatening children to listen will not make them behave better or comply with what we want, much less make them more obedient. With this we will only achieve the opposite effect.
It may be that we make him feel fearful and afraid and that he does things under threat, without learning anything, except to fear you, and that is the last thing we want as parents. As parents we must be a source of security for our children.
Another possibility is that they rebel and stop paying attention and even increase behaviors that you may consider inappropriate. Then, the shouts and threats are out of the game.
Ensure eye contact and attention
On the other hand, whenever you go to ask your child for something, you should not only use short and clear sentences, but also make sure you have eye contact with him (he looks you in the eye, since that indicates that he pays attention to you, that he listen).
And it is that this is the first step for effective communication to take place, to ensure that the receiver (our child) pays attention to the information .
Keep in mind that listening to something that mom or dad yell at me from afar is not the same as seeing them and listening carefully to what they say.
Preach by example
Always remember that our children learn more from our example than from our words . So if, for example, we want you to keep your room tidy, ours should always be.
But the example is not only based on doing what we expect of them, but also on helping them see how it is done . Continuing with the previous example, you can stand next to him to tidy up and tell him how tidy rooms are much better than messy ones, talk about the tranquility they convey, etc.
Check that you have received the message
Another important idea, and that can come in very handy when it comes to not repeating things a thousand times, is to ask our son for things while looking him in the eye , and for him to give us his approval that he is listening to us.
And once this is achieved, it is also important that you can tell us that you have received the message, and that you can tell us that you are going to carry out the task in question. In this way we ensure that the message is received and that we do not have to repeat it X number of times.
Love and respect: key elements
And finally, remember to always do all these steps with love and respect , in addition to always congratulating him, giving him affection and recognizing when he has done things the way you expected him to.